It’s My Wife’s Birthday Today, So We Decided To Eat

This past weekend was great, friends came into town and we drank, and we cooked, and we ate and we drank some more. On Monday, the party continued when some Family came into town and I cooked some more and we drank and we ate. This morning… I cooked and we ate.

I haven’t started the drinking yet today, but I did get my face loaded up with one of my three favorite -caines at the dentist office. Dentistry, I’ve found, is a decent replacement for legitimate intoxicants. There’s something about the tools, the endorphins and the team of pretty girls with rubber gloves pulling on my helpless face that tides me over until the beveraging hour. Which today should be just after 4p.

But, back to this past weekend. A lot of our eating and drinking this weekend took place at some great Chicago standards. We hit Farmhouse, Gilt Bar, and the Gage on Saturday.

Farmhouse is always great and their selections of sours this week made it even better. The drinks at Gilt Bar were awesome and the bar tender was actally a really nice guy despite his dubious choice of profession as a ‘mixologist’.

The Gage had terrible service, slow and poorly paced. And, let’s be clear, when someone whose been drinking for 12 hours notices your service being slow, there’s a real problem there. But the duck breast was fucking amazing. So amazing I wouldn’t think twice about going back despite the service.

In between stops we made drinks at home. I had picked up some St. Germain to fuck around with and found several good recipes with that including a St. Germain Gimlet. I also put together a drink mixing St. Germain, Campari, Gin, Bourbon & syrup to pretty decent results. I made one of our guests a Clover Club which she dug, too. 2 measures of Gin, 1 measure of Grenadine, half a lemon and an egg white.

But the cooking is the important thing here. I made some awesome stuff. A big hit was the liver sausage on butter browned spaetzle topped off with some fresh horse radish and parsley. This dish would put tits on a bishop, my friend.

Another hit was the fried chicken. Super easy, but always a show stopper. I bit on Michael Ruhlman from heel to toe on this one.

THE BRINE
15 ounces water (or 1/2 liter)
3 ounces salt (or 100 grams)
fresh herbs (I used sage above)
4 cloves garlic
1 small onion sliced
1 lemon halved
2 bay leaves
2 teaspoons black peppercorns, cracked beneath a saute pan
15 ounces ice (500 grams ice), or 15 ounces of ice water
1 chicken (3 to 4 pounds)
Combine all of the above except the ice and chicken in a small pan and bring to a boil over high heat. Cover and remove from the heat and let sit for ten minutes.
Put the ice (or ice water) in a bowl or large measuring cup. Pour the herb brine over the ice. Stir till the ice is dissolved.
Put the chicken in a plastic bag, pour the brine in, seal the bag, and let sit at room temperature for 2 to 3 hours.
Remove the chicken from the bag, discarding the brine. Pat it dry and let it sit out for another hour before using (or you can refrigerate it till needed).

THE CHICKEN
8 legs
8 wings
3 cups flour
3 tblspn black pepper
2 tblspn paprika
2 tblspn sea salt
2 tspn cayenne
2 tblspn baking powder
2 cups butter milk
peanut oil

The key with the chicken is flour/buttermilk/flour. And while you’re at it, why not fry some cheese curds, too?

This morning I made some crepe suzette that I served with some ginger & sage sausage. The crepes are super easy. 4 eggs, 1/2 cup of cream, 1/2 cup of orange juice, 1 tablespoon of sugar, 1 cup of flour. Let it sit for 30 minutes and then cook in a cast iron skillet. Right before you serve it dunk it in a syrup of sugar, orange juice, orange zest, lemon juice, Grand Marnier, butter and bourbon. Garnish those fuckers with some mint. Then go get your face Dremilled by a lady in rubber gloves.

That is all.

Posted in Cocktails, Health, Instructional, Recipes, Review | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Feb. 24, Somebody Get Me King David

There’s two events on February 24th that I’m willing to publicly wet my pants over. I’m not entirely sure that that is necessary, but I like to give this whole ritual-of-self-abuse-thing 110%.

First off you’ve got SmallBar Fullerton with their 2 year anniversary party hosting an evening of sour beers. Their tap list includes some Cantillon Fou Foune (that means ‘pussy’ for all you youngsters out there), Dogfish Head’s Noble Rot, and a cask of Jolly Pumpkin. Finally, I’ll have a reason to go to that creepy-ass Fullerton location.

But then, in an act that reminds me the universe is often benevolent, but always petty in it’s indulgences, the Bavarian Lodge is hosting BFM’s Jerome Rebetez whose bringing with him La Douze, BFM’s gose styled beer, on cask as well as a couple of other treats.

I’m not sure if Jerome will let you photograph his tits that night or not, but based on his picture on this flyer, I’d say your chances are on the upside of the 75 percentile.

Ok, there you go America. Line up and take a number, February 24th is bound to be a Patriotic display of excess and flavor. I foresee a train ride in my future.

Posted in Beer, Event, Review | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Controlling Temperature in Home Brew

Anybody can brew beer, but it can be like handling plutonium to create great beer that is repeatable.

Your two greatest allies in that pursuit are time and temperature. Giving the beer the time it needs to fully bloom is essential, and something that took a lot – and I mean a lot – of discipline to grab a handle on. Obviously, you have to let your beer hit it’s FG, but that is the easy part. It’s waiting after the critters have done their job that has been a painful lesson for me.

But no beer is ready immediately after it’s been fermented.

Or at least no beer I have tried. Every style of beer I’m aware of needs at least another month to sit and fully unfold itself before it truly hits it’s flavor potentials. Many beers take a great deal longer.

At this point, my rule of thumb is, after I rack off the yeast cake, I put my keg in a cooling fridge for no shorter than 4 weeks. I’ll test it at that point and decide to either put it on gas, put it in a bottle or let it sit for even longer.

The other great revelation for me in controlling the chaos of brewing has been understanding the need for creating healthy yeast with a starter and nutrients and giving that culture the proper conditions to develop the desired effect. To do that a temperature controller is essential.

There’s more than a few different ways to attack this, but my approach was to pick up a full size fridge from a foreclosed apartment building in the ghetto, add a 2 stage temperature controller from Rebel Brewer and a space heater. The temperature controller is fine, although if you want to save about $35 you can build it yourself. Here’s some instructions.

Everything has been working great until recently. I’ve been able to make my yeast do all kinds of fun things to my beer and have been able to get them to do it over and over again. It’s an awfully proud parent who teaches their yeast a new trick. And it’s a richer, drunker parent who chooses yeast rearing over baby wrangling.

But since winter has finally come to Chicago in mid-February, the temperature has dropped and my space heater has been having to do more work than it likes to bring the fridge to temperature. This is causing a safety feature on the space heater to shut down power as opposed to over heat and burn my house to the ground. Good thing.

So, I’ve had to forego my previous and incredibly dangerous solution and replace it with a FermWrap and a carboy shield. The FermWrap is a variation on reptile cage heaters that are totally effective at bringing your wort to the proper temperature at a very low power draw. The carboy shield helps to optimize the FermWraps efforts, keeping valuable heat from escaping off to the sides.

Life is good again for me and my yeasts. Time to find another way to temp the fates.

Posted in Beer, Instructional, Review | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

My Two Favorite Beer Books

I love making beer, truly I do. If ever there was a way – perhaps a reality-augmenting piece of stainless machinery – that would allow me to curl up close with my beer making and kind of snuzzle my junk up and down on it’s leg all the time, i would totally be in to that. But, unfortunately, that technology is at least a singularity or two away from happening. In the interim, I’ll just attach one of those flashlight pussy things to my brew rack and buy it dinner every couple of weeks. I’ll name it for a french whore, like Fantine or Inara, and together we’ll grow old together, slowly falling apart, drinking too much and always humping like fat, feral dogs in mud. It’s not perfect, but then, neither was Don Cornelius.

But until I can horse glue a flashlight pussy to that filthy lipped, castor strutting, rusting piece of sticky industrial slut I’ve got sleeping in my garage, I’ll use reading to hold me over between brews. With that in mind, I’ve found, time and again, that Gordon Strong’s “Brewing Better Beer” and Randy Mosher’s “Radical Brewing” are my two favorite pieces of bathroom trash that I return to over and over again. They are both very different books in approach, but both work towards a similar end of prying free the detritus of pedantic mimicry that inevitably comes after an initial investigation into something as byzantine as brewing.

Mosher attacks from a kind of joy-filled revelry, combining history, technique and an artist’s notebook to undo the scale of many intimidating crests, juggling probabilities to reveal that the true nature of brewing really is art or, at least, at turns as equally elusive and accessible.

But where Mosher sings Gordon Strong whistles along. There is a zen simplicity to Strong’s approach as he unhinges the mysteries with systems analysis as opposed to Mosher’s poetry. He gently guides the reader into re-examining what is truly important when it comes to the brew day and uses some solid recipes to deliver his message home.

Both are equally effective, rich with information, and indispensable for me on my journey. There’s definitely other resources I use – I love the Brew Strong and Can You Brew It podcasts, Ray Daniels Designing Great Beers is fantastic, the interwebs never fails me, as well as BeerTools and more than a few spreadsheets – but when I think of two books that I lean on more heavily than any other, I always seem to be coming back to these two.

Posted in Beer, Review | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Duck Fat Biscuits & Boar Sausage Gravy…

“I have seen the face freedom and eaten it.” – Eldridge Cleaver after schtupping Pat Nixon.

My nephew gave me some sausage he had left over from a boar he shot a few weeks ago. I wanted to do right by it.

This morning I cooked up a variation of my biscuits and gravy recipe. I didn’t have any butter so I used duck fat instead. I also added a little bit of thyme to the batter to make them more savory.

I don’t know if it was the duck fat or if I fucked up my measurements and put more than 8 tablespoons in, but these were the lightest biscuits I’ve ever made. Amazing stuff really. I also had larger chunks of the duck fat than I normally have with the butter so that’s something to think about for the future. I also added a pinch of sugar to the biscuits, something I haven’t done before but seemed like a reasonable idea.

The boar sausage is leaner than pork so I added about a half tablespoon of lard to my cast iron skillet before adding cornstarch to make the gravy. I also added 1 diced shallot, some chives, thyme and just a tiny pinch of cardamon.

I like putting cardamon in just about anything I can, I think it brings a really nice spicy earthiness to stuff. Be careful not to over do it though, this stuff can get away from you real fast.

I laid off on the cream/milk mixture this time, adding just enough liquid to capture the thickened fats. This was a good idea.

I topped it all off with some diced tomatoes and some more chives for color.

I could topple empires with this monstrosity.

Posted in Health, Instructional, Recipes, Shooting | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

This Makes Me Smile

Posted in Beer, Event | Tagged | Leave a comment

My Encounter With At Least 2 Robert Anton Wilsons

Boingboing has been running some great pieces on Robert Anton Wilson in honor of the 5th anniversary of his death on 1/11/2007. It’s been fun reading the likes of Ken Goffman and Paul Krassner reflect on Wilson, explaining why he’s so important to them. It’s all made me uncomfortably nostalgic and forlorn.

My personal interaction with Bob was very limited, but very memorable. And, appropriately enough, confounding, absurd, educational, unforgettable, and wonderful. Much like his books.

It was 1998 and my girlfriend at the time and I drove up from Austin to go see Bob speak in the Masonic temple in downtown Dallas. There’s no word in the english language that can properly express the kind of fanboy emotion I was experiencing to be sitting in a fucking Masonic temple in the town that killed Kennedy with Robert Anton Wilson and only about 25 other people.

I sat about 30′ away from him, panting like a mutt, full of joy the whole time. I don’t remember his talk that night being necessarily great, he seemed to be in a bit of pain and slightly grouchier than normal.

The night was billed as a workshop with Robert Anton Wilson, but the extent of the exercises he taught us that night were limited to one. He asked us to shut our eyes and breathe, clearing our thoughts and settling down our minds. And then, when the inevitable inner voice would once again raise it’s borish head, we were told to shout at the top of our lungs at the persistent sod to “Shut the Fuck Up!” I’ve since applied this exercise to some fairly useful ends, it being an effective example of the old-world hucksterism cum mysticism that Wilson seemed to love. It was also a pretty great piece of performance art to get a room full of adults screaming at the voices in their head to “Shut the FUCK up!”

Driving home that night, my girlfriend and I talked about the evening. I’m not sure which one of us brought it up first, but we both seemed to notice that throughout the evening Bob seemed to keep turning into some kind of fish-headed creature. A green-skinned thing, his beard and hair extended and flowed, whiskers hovering out to the sides.

I’m not sure what the hell was going on there really. This was definitely an odd time in my life where events like that weren’t as surprising as they might be today. But even amongst all the circus lights and fireworks of my life at the time I remember us both thinking this was pretty startling.

About two weeks later my girlfriend and I were running some Saturday afternoon errands. She was thinking about trying to buy some kind of Volkswagon or something to replace a dying pickup truck, so we pulled into the VW dealership off 35. I was characteristically annoyed.

I walked through the lot looking at my chucks and thinking about anything but cars or my girlfriend. Maybe I was daydreaming about getting home to some freshly made GHB.

When I looked up from the ground there was a car salesman in front of me. He smiled and asked how we were doing and then proceeded through what I imagine was his usual song and dance used to engage potential customers.

Unfortunately, I was having a hard time responding to him, or saying anything at all, really. I was literally caught – for one of the few genuine times in my life – speechless trying to process what I was pretty sure I was seeing in front of me. As much as my brains wanted to protest, and as far as I could tell, the Volkswagon salesman standing right in front of me, sprawling some endless bullshit about the ’99 Passat’s power rating or some screaming deal he could get us on our APR, looked *exactly* like Robert Anton Wilson. The white hair, the droll mannerisms, the smile that reminded you with every verbal turn that he was indeed fucking with you. He even had Wilson’s Brooklyn accent.

I probably spooked the guy as I imagine it’s got to be more than a little unnerving to be stared at like a ghost or like you’ve just become the hand the universe is using to yank a young acid head’s dick. DoppleBob collected himself and slipped out of our presence as gracefully as was possible. But, before he walked off, he extended a hand to shake, encouraging us to let him know if we had any questions. I looked down to return the shake, as is customary in most human circles, and, on the ring finger of his right hand he had a ring of the same exact style - I shit you not - that Wilson had on the same finger of the same hand. The only difference between the two Bob’s rings was that inside the disc on Wilson’s ring was a chaos star. Inside the ring of the VW salesman was the VW logo.

I’ll let you come to your own conclusions on that one, you really need some time alone to unpack that origami octopus. I’m still rummaging through it myself after 14 years.

Standing outside the Masonic temple that night in Dallas I asked Bob about the specifics of the Sirius workings he mentions in Cosmic Trigger. He gave me what, at the time, was a frustratingly simple and, I thought, evasive answer.

He looked up and, blowing cigarette smoke at me, he said, “Art is Magick. It’s incredibly personal, you have to become it. Befriend it. Befriend it and it becomes you. William Blake would eat breakfast with his muse, talk to her over breakfast.”

I was too green at the time to see past my own insistence for specifics to be able to appreciate the exchange for what it was. I was also probably too arrogant.

But here I am now, a bit older, a little slower and in so many ways, even tonight, 14 years later, I’m still swimming around in that curmudgeonly bard’s very simple and mostly true words of wisdom that he dropped on an eager young toad that night in Dallas. And to me, that keeps Bob alive and still working hard in the world today when I need him most. And that is Magick.

Thanks for the laughs, Bob.

Posted in Instructional | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Merry Christmas, Fatsos.

Eliminate all human sorrows. Activate joy, stat.

Posted in Beer, Event | Tagged | Leave a comment

Crack Infused Waffles

My eminently tasteful wife picked me up a Waring waffle iron for my birthday a few weeks ago. Since that time I’ve been on a bit of a waffle bender trying to get the recipe right, marrying the perfect amounts of crunchy outside with light and fluffy inside. This morning my face found the philosopher’s stone.

1.5 cups water divided
1 packet of dry yeast
3 cups flour
1/4 tsp salt
3 large eggs, seperated w/ 1 egg white extra
1/3 cup sugar
1.5 cups half and half
12 tbl butter
6 tbl vegetable oil
2 tsp vanilla extract
6 pieces of cooked and minced bacon per waffle

Take 3/4 cup of warm water and add the yeast and a pinch of sugar. Leave it about 10 minutes until it foams.

Mix flour and salt in a large bowl.

Add egg yolks and 1 of the egg whites and sugar to yeast mixture and blend. Add another 3/4 cup water, half and half, butter melted and cooled, oil and vanilla and mix just until smooth.

Mix the dry with the wet.

Beat the egg whites with another pinch of sugar until stiff peaks. Fold into the batter. Let it stand for about an hour mixing every 15 minutes or so.

Keep your minced bacon on the side and add on a per waffle basis so your idiot friends who don’t eat meat can suffer alone. Use a separate bowl so you can get a very thorough distribution of bacon in the batter.

Top these bastards with some powdered sugar and some sliced fruit. Inject just below the eyelid.

Posted in Health, Recipes | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Awesome and Easy Pate

This is a totally simple and tasty recipe for a liver pate that I snagged out of Cook’s Illustrated. It calls for chicken liver, but I made this with goose liver’s from Gephardt’s last time. For our annual Christmas party this weekend I’m making it from beef liver. I’ve not used beef liver before and I’m a little worried it’s not going to be as tasty as goose liver, but fortunately, if it does bomb terribly, we’ll have some fresh lobster and filet mignon to deliver us from that evil. Viva la indulgence.

8 tbl butter
3 large shallots, sliced
1 tbl fresh thyme
1 lb chicken liver
3/4 cup dry vermouth
2 tsp brandy

Saute the shallots, thyme and a pinch of salt in the butter until brown. Add your liver and cook just until pink in the middle. Take the liver out, add the vermouth and cook down to a syrup. Put all of this into a food processor along with the brandy, a couple pinch’s of the pate blend from the Ruhlman and Polcyn book Charcuterie and salt and pepper to taste. Get it smooth and soft. Put it in a container and push saran wrap down against the pate to keep any oxygen off it. Put a lid on the container and let it sit for a couple days so all the flavors can blend. Serve it with some butter drenched toasted bread slices.

EDIT: I tried it this morning and it’s pretty good. Not as smooth as the goose liver – there’s a bit more of that chalky liver flavor than I would prefer – though that may have more to do with me cooking it a bit longer than I should have and not so much with the beast from which it was ripped from.

Posted in Event, Recipes | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
  • Categories

  • Archives

buying maxalt online i want to buy pregnizone without a prescription buy Premarin no prescription low cost buy Amitriptyline pills canada Amitriptyline generic Endep uk purchase generic Endep online achat Endep order generic Endep online Nizoral purchase Nizoral uk fedex Nizoral without priscription prescription Nizoral Aricept no prescription to buy purchase Aricept online buy cheap Aricept order Aricept without rx from us pharmacy buy Aricept without a prescription overnight delivery buy cheap Aricept Nizoral generic Famvir non rx fedex overnight free how to get Famvir without Buy Famvir overnight delivery cheap Famvir for sale online no prescription required Maxalt fedex buy Endep with mastercard buy Endep c o d Donepezil prescription order buy Anafranil mastercard buy cheap Anafranil with dr. prescription buy generic Maxalt online buy arimidex no script i want a arimidex prescription order Arimidex without prescription to ship overnight no prescription Lisinopril Lisinopril purchased online without prescription i want to buy Endep without a perscription generic Endep prices Requip 2 mg ordering Activ8 Energy Booster online buy Activ8 no visa online without prescription buy Valtrex online without a prescription and no membership order Cytotec without rx from us pharmacy cheap Requip by money order buy Maxalt pay cod buy cheap Maxalt online free consult Amitriptyline with out a prescription buy xenical online cod buy Amitriptyline online no prescription ordering Amitriptyline over the counter Online Requip Nizoral cheap overnight fedex Nizoral capsule buy cheap generic Amitriptyline where buy Amitriptyline buy Nizoral with amex how to buy Nizoral without a prescription safety order Nizoral buy Orlistat pills Premarin prices Premarin without rx buy Premarin online with a debit card buy no online rx Prozac buy Aldactone us order Premarin no visa buy Premarin without rx needed buy maxalt paypal without rx Maxalt toronto purchase Proscar pay pal without rx order Proscar online next day delivery buy Proscar overnight buy cheap online pharmacy Prednisone Prednisone canada getting Activ8 without doctor Amitriptyline no prescription with mastercard overnight Activ8 Energy Booster without a rx Activ8 non rx fedex overnight free buy Orlistat where buy cheap Maxalt line Amitriptyline 75 mg buy Activ8 online with no perscription buy pharmacy Amitriptyline waterview buy pharmacy Accutane 40 mg waterview Accutane 40 mg cheap no rx required canada buy 40 mg Accutane free consultation 40 mg Accutane fast delivery no doctors