For low these past 8 years now a group of degenerates near and dear to my heart have been hosting Chicago’s version of the SantaCon, the inimitable (and superbly intoxicated) SANTA KONG. Yes, it’s as intimidating as a 3 story gorilla and almost as virile, too. Yes, you will get drunk, very drunk. And, yes, I will once again be serving my patented weapons-grade egg nog from a gas can.
If your idea of a good time is to travel around America’s third largest city in school buses full of drunken Stana Clauses, reigning lovable havoc on unsuspecting, but typically appreciative bystanders and then sleeping off your holiday cheer for a day or two, well then Virginia, the SantaKong is just the thing for you.
Here is what Disco Dave has to say about the event:
BASICS:
Synchronicity’s 8th Annual SantaKong begins at 2:00 PM Saturday – December 12th, 2009 at Quencher’s bar. Quencher’s is located at 2401 N. Western Avenue, on the corner of Fullerton & Western. This year the Kong will be using cheaper school buses, as opposed to trolleys from years past. This enables everyone to get jolly for nearly twice as long, without breaking the bank. Everyone will spend the first hour at Quencher’s decorating and festi-fying the buses. (Oh and drinking.) Please bring Christmas decorations and other Holiday swag to make our school buses as obnoxiously cheer-tastic as possible.To join us, just Paypal $26 to pocketbook@synchroni-city.org. https://www.paypal.com
If you do not have a Paypal account, see the FAQ’s below.
YOU MUST WEAR A SANTA OR OTHER HOLIDAY-THEMED OUTFIT. IF YOU DON’T DRESS UP FOR SANTAKONG – YOU ARE LAME!
As usual, your $26 payment covers a massive quantity of beer and whiskey, which will be festively available at any and all times we are on the buses. You are still welcome, of course, to bring your own alcohol. In fact it’s kind of a tradition.
The Bus departs from Quencher’s at 3:00, and will return to the Quencher’s neighborhood at approximately 11:00-11:30 P.M.
FAQ’s:WHAT IF I CAN’T BE AT QUENCHERS BY 3:00?
No worries, you can also plan on meeting up with us at The Twisted Spoke (501 N Ogden Ave) for our 4:30 departure.If that doesn’t work out for you, please look for us at the corner of Lincoln, Halsted and Fullerton for our 6:00 departure from there. If you miss us at there, you’ll have to give us a call.
HOW DOES THIS WHOLE THING WORK NOW, EXACTLY?
The buses provide you and your Santa friends with safe and sober transportation from bar to bar around the great city of Chicago. Intermittently you’ll be bringing your unique brand of cheerful revelry to public settings like Daley Plaza, Macy’s, the Billy Goat Tavern, Emmitt’s, and even an Ice Skating Rink!DO I REALLY HAVE TO WEAR A COSTUME?
Yes.I DON’T DO PAYPAL . . . . CAN I STILL KONG OUT?
Maybe.We will be taking some cash payments on the day of the event. However, an RSVP is strongly suggested, and there is limited space on our buses. If you do not Paypal us in advance, Synchronicity cannot guarantee you a spot on our buses. We strongly recommend you Paypal us your $26 in advance to guarantee your spot. Setting up a Paypal account is easy and free. All you need is a bank account and an email address, and you can both send and RECEIVE money.
ANYTHING GOES ON THE BUSES, RIGHT?
No, no and no. You must obey all state and local laws while participating in SantaKong. That means you may NOT use illicit substances on the buses . . . not even weed. Without the humor and good graces of our friendly drivers – we have no SantaKong. Please do not put our driver’s jobs or the event’s future in jeopardy. Obey all state and local laws while you’re on the bus.WHAT IF I’M TOO WASTED TO DRIVE HOME?
Luckily, Quenchers has the advantage of being located close to several cheap CTA options, such as the Western Bus the Fullerton Bus, and the Blue Line, all three of which run on a 24-hour schedule. Also, cabs are everywhere in that neighborhood. PLEASE DO NOT PLAN ON DRIVING HOME FROM SANTAKONG. Your friends may be sad that you got splattered all over the Dan Ryan, but they’ll also be pissed off that your stupidity ruined a perfectly good SantaKong.I HAVE A QUESTION YOU HAVEN’T ADDRESSED:
No problem. Email me at dave_h@illmeasures.comDowntown the Disco Elf
for
Synchronicity