This Makes Me Smile

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My Encounter With At Least 2 Robert Anton Wilsons

Boingboing has been running some great pieces on Robert Anton Wilson in honor of the 5th anniversary of his death on 1/11/2007. It’s been fun reading the likes of Ken Goffman and Paul Krassner reflect on Wilson, explaining why he’s so important to them. It’s all made me uncomfortably nostalgic and forlorn.

My personal interaction with Bob was very limited, but very memorable. And, appropriately enough, confounding, absurd, educational, unforgettable, and wonderful. Much like his books.

It was 1998 and my girlfriend at the time and I drove up from Austin to go see Bob speak in the Masonic temple in downtown Dallas. There’s no word in the english language that can properly express the kind of fanboy emotion I was experiencing to be sitting in a fucking Masonic temple in the town that killed Kennedy with Robert Anton Wilson and only about 25 other people.

I sat about 30′ away from him, panting like a mutt, full of joy the whole time. I don’t remember his talk that night being necessarily great, he seemed to be in a bit of pain and slightly grouchier than normal.

The night was billed as a workshop with Robert Anton Wilson, but the extent of the exercises he taught us that night were limited to one. He asked us to shut our eyes and breathe, clearing our thoughts and settling down our minds. And then, when the inevitable inner voice would once again raise it’s borish head, we were told to shout at the top of our lungs at the persistent sod to “Shut the Fuck Up!” I’ve since applied this exercise to some fairly useful ends, it being an effective example of the old-world hucksterism cum mysticism that Wilson seemed to love. It was also a pretty great piece of performance art to get a room full of adults screaming at the voices in their head to “Shut the FUCK up!”

Driving home that night, my girlfriend and I talked about the evening. I’m not sure which one of us brought it up first, but we both seemed to notice that throughout the evening Bob seemed to keep turning into some kind of fish-headed creature. A green-skinned thing, his beard and hair extended and flowed, whiskers hovering out to the sides.

I’m not sure what the hell was going on there really. This was definitely an odd time in my life where events like that weren’t as surprising as they might be today. But even amongst all the circus lights and fireworks of my life at the time I remember us both thinking this was pretty startling.

About two weeks later my girlfriend and I were running some Saturday afternoon errands. She was thinking about trying to buy some kind of Volkswagon or something to replace a dying pickup truck, so we pulled into the VW dealership off 35. I was characteristically annoyed.

I walked through the lot looking at my chucks and thinking about anything but cars or my girlfriend. Maybe I was daydreaming about getting home to some freshly made GHB.

When I looked up from the ground there was a car salesman in front of me. He smiled and asked how we were doing and then proceeded through what I imagine was his usual song and dance used to engage potential customers.

Unfortunately, I was having a hard time responding to him, or saying anything at all, really. I was literally caught – for one of the few genuine times in my life – speechless trying to process what I was pretty sure I was seeing in front of me. As much as my brains wanted to protest, and as far as I could tell, the Volkswagon salesman standing right in front of me, sprawling some endless bullshit about the ’99 Passat’s power rating or some screaming deal he could get us on our APR, looked *exactly* like Robert Anton Wilson. The white hair, the droll mannerisms, the smile that reminded you with every verbal turn that he was indeed fucking with you. He even had Wilson’s Brooklyn accent.

I probably spooked the guy as I imagine it’s got to be more than a little unnerving to be stared at like a ghost or like you’ve just become the hand the universe is using to yank a young acid head’s dick. DoppleBob collected himself and slipped out of our presence as gracefully as was possible. But, before he walked off, he extended a hand to shake, encouraging us to let him know if we had any questions. I looked down to return the shake, as is customary in most human circles, and, on the ring finger of his right hand he had a ring of the same exact style - I shit you not - that Wilson had on the same finger of the same hand. The only difference between the two Bob’s rings was that inside the disc on Wilson’s ring was a chaos star. Inside the ring of the VW salesman was the VW logo.

I’ll let you come to your own conclusions on that one, you really need some time alone to unpack that origami octopus. I’m still rummaging through it myself after 14 years.

Standing outside the Masonic temple that night in Dallas I asked Bob about the specifics of the Sirius workings he mentions in Cosmic Trigger. He gave me what, at the time, was a frustratingly simple and, I thought, evasive answer.

He looked up and, blowing cigarette smoke at me, he said, “Art is Magick. It’s incredibly personal, you have to become it. Befriend it. Befriend it and it becomes you. William Blake would eat breakfast with his muse, talk to her over breakfast.”

I was too green at the time to see past my own insistence for specifics to be able to appreciate the exchange for what it was. I was also probably too arrogant.

But here I am now, a bit older, a little slower and in so many ways, even tonight, 14 years later, I’m still swimming around in that curmudgeonly bard’s very simple and mostly true words of wisdom that he dropped on an eager young toad that night in Dallas. And to me, that keeps Bob alive and still working hard in the world today when I need him most. And that is Magick.

Thanks for the laughs, Bob.

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Merry Christmas, Fatsos.

Eliminate all human sorrows. Activate joy, stat.

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Crack Infused Waffles

My eminently tasteful wife picked me up a Waring waffle iron for my birthday a few weeks ago. Since that time I’ve been on a bit of a waffle bender trying to get the recipe right, marrying the perfect amounts of crunchy outside with light and fluffy inside. This morning my face found the philosopher’s stone.

1.5 cups water divided
1 packet of dry yeast
3 cups flour
1/4 tsp salt
3 large eggs, seperated w/ 1 egg white extra
1/3 cup sugar
1.5 cups half and half
12 tbl butter
6 tbl vegetable oil
2 tsp vanilla extract
6 pieces of cooked and minced bacon per waffle

Take 3/4 cup of warm water and add the yeast and a pinch of sugar. Leave it about 10 minutes until it foams.

Mix flour and salt in a large bowl.

Add egg yolks and 1 of the egg whites and sugar to yeast mixture and blend. Add another 3/4 cup water, half and half, butter melted and cooled, oil and vanilla and mix just until smooth.

Mix the dry with the wet.

Beat the egg whites with another pinch of sugar until stiff peaks. Fold into the batter. Let it stand for about an hour mixing every 15 minutes or so.

Keep your minced bacon on the side and add on a per waffle basis so your idiot friends who don’t eat meat can suffer alone. Use a separate bowl so you can get a very thorough distribution of bacon in the batter.

Top these bastards with some powdered sugar and some sliced fruit. Inject just below the eyelid.

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Awesome and Easy Pate

This is a totally simple and tasty recipe for a liver pate that I snagged out of Cook’s Illustrated. It calls for chicken liver, but I made this with goose liver’s from Gephardt’s last time. For our annual Christmas party this weekend I’m making it from beef liver. I’ve not used beef liver before and I’m a little worried it’s not going to be as tasty as goose liver, but fortunately, if it does bomb terribly, we’ll have some fresh lobster and filet mignon to deliver us from that evil. Viva la indulgence.

8 tbl butter
3 large shallots, sliced
1 tbl fresh thyme
1 lb chicken liver
3/4 cup dry vermouth
2 tsp brandy

Saute the shallots, thyme and a pinch of salt in the butter until brown. Add your liver and cook just until pink in the middle. Take the liver out, add the vermouth and cook down to a syrup. Put all of this into a food processor along with the brandy, a couple pinch’s of the pate blend from the Ruhlman and Polcyn book Charcuterie and salt and pepper to taste. Get it smooth and soft. Put it in a container and push saran wrap down against the pate to keep any oxygen off it. Put a lid on the container and let it sit for a couple days so all the flavors can blend. Serve it with some butter drenched toasted bread slices.

EDIT: I tried it this morning and it’s pretty good. Not as smooth as the goose liver – there’s a bit more of that chalky liver flavor than I would prefer – though that may have more to do with me cooking it a bit longer than I should have and not so much with the beast from which it was ripped from.

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New Chef at Chief O’Neill’s

A co-worker just hit me up with the news that Alan Lake is going to be the new chef at Chief O’Neil’s.

About two days ago, Lake told me he took the full-time chef position at O’Neill’s. What cinched the deal for him, he said, was his experience at the famous Shelbourne in Ireland, where he earned the kitchen honorific Underpants O’Malley (I have no idea what that means, but it sounds Irish and a little naughty).

“My goal is to elevate the food at O’Neill’s,” Lake told me last night, and he has plans to cure his own corned beef and take the native simplicity of the cuisine and see what he can do by sourcing locally and applying to this traditionally simple food the skills of an accomplished fine dining chef.

As Achatz had his way with Thai street food, Lake wants to see how far he can push Irish pub grub toward a kind of haute Hibernian.

Hopefully this means they’ll be adding some decent beers to their draft list as well!!

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Closed System Wort Chiller for the Homebrew

It’s getting cold here in Weedwolf’s Shitcago. In fact, today the lake front was shut down and manned by Escalades. I saw snow fall from the sky. I pulled the long underwear from my lingerie drawer.

All this means that my previous method of cooling our wort with a displacement chiller spitting upwards of 75 gallons of water out into the alley is no longer sustainable. Bummer.

Our first attempt at solving this problem was clunky and kind of retarded. Especially when I tell you how simple our solution was.

See, initially we thought we would daisy chain 2 displacement chillers together. We’d put one in the HLT with a bunch of ice and then run it through the pump, into the wort and then back to the ice to re-cool the water. The problem with this was that we had to introduce the garden hose to initiate the flow and without a T hookup this wasn’t going to happen.

While I was procrastinating getting the T I began wondering why we couldn’t just get rid of one of those displacement chillers and just pump out of the HLT full of ice water, into the wort and then dump the water back into the HLT. Which is exactly what we’re doing now.

The one pain in the neck is that we have to pull the chiller out of the wort and hold it below the pump initially to get it primed. Once primed, we pop the chiller into the wort and everything is fantastic and cooled to 70* in less than 30 minutes.

Now I just need to get one of those Blichmann plate chillers and all my life’s problems would be solved.

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Pan Fried Bone Marrow

It would really hurt to put hot, liquid marrow into a syringe and shoot it into your arm or eyeball so Michael Ruhlman has this satisfactory alternative for using bone marrow to activate your pleasure centers:

“To cook the marrow, roll them in flour till they’re completely coated and sauté them in canola oil over medium high heat (too hot and the flour will burn, too cool and the marrow will melt before the surface is crisp), turning them to brown them well on all sides. On the day Powder made the marrow (that’s him grilling the bread and plating), he poured out excess oil when they were nearly done and added some butter to finish them off. This is a chef I love: when preparing a rich, highly fatty dish, finish it off with just a liiiittle more butter. Fernand would have approved. And in all seriousness, the butter browns and makes the crust especially flavorful.”

I will oblige.

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This, bonkers.

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Gordon Strong’s Technique for Force Carbonating Homebrew

It’s the 11th hour and I need to get this beer carbed up for Thanksgiving. I’ve basically got about 20 hours to get this stuff to a decent level of gas. So I’m going to force carb them.

Force carbonating is a black art, elusive and highly subjective in it’s execution. I’ve tried several techniques, but the one I prefer is found in Gordon Strong’s excellent book “Brewing Better Beer”. I can’t say enough good things about this book, Strong’s approach is sensible and informed by years and years of experience. And his jedi like approach to brewing gives legs to Papazian’s abused mantra of “Relax, Don’t Worry, Have a Homebrew.” Good stuff.

Anyway, here’s the long and short of Gordon Strong’s force carbonating technique pulled from “Brewing Better Beer”.

1) Chill your keg to near freezing.
2) Attach your gas and dial it up to 30 psi.
3) Slowly rock your keg back and forth about 50ish times until you don’t here gas bubble up into it anymore.
4) Take it off the gas and let it sit for a day or two.
5) When it’s time to check it, release the accumulated head gas and taste.
6) Rinse and repeat as needed.

That is it, go with god.

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